A horrible hack

Black Castle - the Piedmont Charisma


Year Released: 2004
Format: 7"
Label: Delian League
Reviewed by Alex Deller on Jun 13, 2007
And it started so nicely too. The first track I spun was the Black Castle’s …and the boneless phoenix shall rise again!, a fun if thoroughly predictable screamo yomp guided by keyboards that could’ve slunk from some haunted carnival and these gasoline-seared screams that sound like the dude has his mic stuck somewhere near his gall bladder. The song hits its highest peak with a brief breakdown, brining things down to a muted, percussive lull, the keys parping and tooting erratically while what sounds like a sexually frustrated ape grunts and groans breathlessly over the top. Utterly expendable for those never wanting to hear another band sound like An Albatross, but harmless fun for the rest of us. Track two hits with a limp early 90s dance keyboard lick and I’m really not feeling it. Parts seem thrown together for the sake of having another song to go on another record, and while they’ve used the same jelly mould as the track previous, this one doesn’t make for much of a treat, hemorrhaging pointlessly and dying on the floor without anyone raising an eyebrow, let alone bothering to call an ambulance.

The Piedmont Charisma are fucking crap. They start with a kitsch little keyboard riff before blossoming into some stagnant Television-inspired indie rock that’s all about dull, nasal vocals and a surfeit of guitar wank. Their second song is a pointless instrumental, again seeming like they had nothing better to fill their side of the record with so came up with a couple minutes worth of nothing much… still, at least I have the minor relief of not having to suffer those stupid goddamn vocals any longer.

Conclusion: a single fun ditty can’t carry the dreary weight of all the crap on top. One more record you don’t really need to own.

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