A horrible hack

Le Baron Vampire

Baruch

Year Released: 2010
Format: CD
Label: Sums Records
 
Reviewed by Tony on Jun 29, 2010
The name, the name, oh why but why, why and why, why the name? Actually, jokes aside I first thought this band was called Baruch, it seemed a bit more concise name for a band, than say Le Baron Vampire. But itís not up to me to decide and in fact itís already been decided already. Letís talk about the songs instead, although to be brutally honest the band name is so powerful that I cannot see past it.

Their first track is called Coyote Versus Machete. Oh, that made it so much easier didnít it? I mean, I though the band name was complicated, look at these song titles! Hereís a sample of the others: Saloon Bizarre, Astro Zombies (not a Misfits cover, by the way), Bullet Dozer (for some reason coloured in red while the other songs are coloured in white?) and The Statue are a few I wanted to mention. But theyíre not all bad ones, for there are also Herz, Knie, Staub which sounds like kneel, knife and stab, in some sort of Germantic language and is at least suitably brutal for those like me who are waiting impatiently for the fucking revolution to come. But my favourite is probably Hellsinki, which of course is a bastardisation of the capital of Finland: what would my mates Sami and Saska think of this? What would Mikko think? I bet they would take their Finnish knives and come during the night. Oh, and to be sure: the album title is also a song (but it is not the song high-lighted in red, for some reason).

The music has a big sound. Generally speaking it is heavy and slow. I think the vocalists are angry (yes, indeed, there seem to be more than just one singer). They are all men. Or boys, if youíre so inclined. We high-cultured music journalism know-it-alls tend to get the reviews written for us and sent along with the CD; the management of this band called the musicians Ďfive delightful young men from Switzerlandí. But the album is thenceforth described as a person, who came out of a coffin? And who is coming to the UK soon; who records his own EPs and who believes in DIY (but leaves the management to deal with marketing, very DIY that! Iíll tell the punks to let their management company do the dirty for them, leaves more time to sniff glue!).

I am scared of this album. Fuck you, stay in Switzerland motherfucker!

But is it any good? At first I thought it was a bit emo-ish, then it was almost like the mighty Corrupted (well if your neighbour was playing Corrupted next door and your mum was playing TRC (Are Looking For A New Guitarist) in the kitchen) but not really. I suppose kids love this stuff nowadays. At least they believe in DIY. That is a good start.

No, I have not Googled this band.

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