A horrible hack

the Haunted Continents

the Loudest Ever Year

Year Released: 2011
Format: CD
Label: Forrest Park
Reviewed by Morris Breadknife on Mar 15, 2011
The Haunted Continents are some kinda time travellin’ duo out of New York who, according to the chunderous press bio gumf that came attached to this cd have set out to create “an entirely new subgenre of alternative rock” by marrying up the apparently previously disparate worlds of 50’s pop and 90’s alt rock, i.e. Buddy Holly and Weezer, as if Weezer themselves had not already absorbed a healthy Buddy Holly influence, even to the point of naming a song after him. As if we need any more subgenres of alternative rock, a moribund term in itself. As if writing a page of such corporate cringe hype is gonna garner your release a good review somewhere righteous like collective zine.

Anyways what you get here is roughly half an hour of wingey crying into yer milkshake songs about girls and fucked relationships with scuzzy guitars and oooooh aaaaaaah vocals and drums that whack out a beat but don’t manage much else and lots of trite saccharine references to “falling in love” and “making love” and song titles that namecheck the blues but aint really bluesy at all* and packaging adorned with photos of nice amps – look there’s a Sunn! Look there’s a Mesa Boogie! and jeez Mr Sandman fix me a drink. Take me back in time to the 1950’s when life was simple and only the rich folks had a TV and Marty McFly had not yet invented the skateboard and then forwards back to a hideous altered future where Biff and Marty’s hideous test tube love children McFly have taken over the world and Wheatus are considered to be the greatest living recording artists ever and yeah. Rockin’.

* At least not in a proper, blind, poor, black and pissed on the porch kinda way, more in a quaint Status Quo kinda way.

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